There’s always someone you fall in love with at least once in your life that you have absolutely no good reason to fall in love with. They’re stupid, they talk too much, they think they know everything. But you smile and chuckle to yourself and goddamn you’ve never seen anything so cute and then BANNG trapped.
That was my story with my (now) ex Marley. We met at some party, I was four whiskey sodas in, and when I asked her for her name and she said it, I coughed the most painful billow of smoke out of my lungs, passed the bong, and said, “Like Bob.” Pioneer ganja smoker. Unattested prophet of these last days. Fuck, whatever.
Anyway, she took a few hits of her own, I took some more, suppose we had conversation, went upstairs and fucked like animals - like panthers do, like alley cats at the summer’s end. Millions of nights out together, calling in sick to work, endless film upon film, etc. We are over, but for awhile I thought it was all cute, the whole mindless extrovert, drinking herself dumb night after night after night (every fucking night journal every
So then it seemed like we were in love, and it was the happiest time in my life. Everyone looked at me new. Friends eventually just gave up giving me shit or trying to ‘get it’. Everyone. Everything. At my hands.
But then she got really bored, probably cause she lost lots of an attention span (fuck that - never had one) from too many chemicals, or whatever, she left me, I woke up and she had left the door open and I hate to leave the door open and I forgot how much I hate that and then I suddenly remembered what I liked and what I hated and everything and then I never called her ever again. Now she lives in Houston where cowboys make some glorious fucking last stand to show that they’re still important for America.
So then I never fell in love again, journal, because I forgot that in those moments when you’re in love, you’re ten miles from the ground, gardens uproot themselves from the ground and encircle you in mid-air, roses, marigolds, and violets wrap themselves around you, threaten you, laugh at you, scorn, utter contempt, no sentiment, no appeal, and you are in the eye of it all, safe and in a very maternal place, where though the whole world around abides in total chaos, you alone are dumb and lost in a quiet and eternal light.
Don’t fall in love, journal. It is okay for a time but one day the world falls right on you. Crushes you, suffocates all things. Even Atlas fears this.
Boy+Girl Girl+Boy Boy+Girl Girl+Boy Boy+Girlgirlgirlgirlgirlblahblahblahblh///