fuckd up
So fucked up now for ya journal
What happened today - today I went down to the boardwalk on the pier to get a drink. I thought maybe a bit of the ole fermented juice might put a smile into me, thought maybe I might be reconciled to myself once again, but again, again, again I was wrong.
It started with me on the bar stool with a wide assorted array of alcoholic tinctures, good ole tonics of gods, my system already loaded up on some chemical that I can’t recall now, I do like the medicines so, journal, I do like those medicines. And they were in me, alive, and I was drinking.
There was a mirror in front of me, some portal into another universe, and a twisted and sick dimension of my own existence my twisted and criminal face all over the walls, I was, I became, afraid. I thought, “They will discover me. They will find me out,” and I also thought, “All this is not at all here, it is an illusion, the doors of my mind are the only barriers holding me back from breaking it all.”
The bartender, some Dionysian distributor of gay gay antics, looks at me, smiles, with his teeth growing by the moment, fangs growing out to the floor, I wanted to scream but didn’t scream oh i was afraid.
Then something in my circuits ignited, that divine spark the Hasids talk about, where the flesh and the spirit collide like two plates of the Earth shifting, the great fires of the planet’s belly vomited up into mountains,
illusionary door, and jumped head first, head first arms out through the veil.....only it didn’t work, my faith was low, I crumbled to the floor, some ape giant bully fucker threw me out and said something stupid, sounding like some army officer, so I flipped him the big bird and said, Hey fuck you private sir officer sir!! and the door shut on me.
My head is still swimming from it, I still can’t see so straight, and where is God in those times when my faith is so great I ask you you fucking dumb screen WHy don’t you answer me